100th post- Goodbye.
Friday, February 16, 2007 2:11 AM
100th post!
How fast. Well, since its the 100th post, lets make some changes. =) This is prob gonna be one of the last entries to this blog. And then i'm gonna put a password on. For the simple reason that its unnerving that i dont noe who reads and i jus think, its better to put on a password. Not that my blog's got anything substantial.. haha.but then.. well, its better this way. =)
Anyway, has been quite eventful the past few days, and now i'm really sick. I jus feel damm lousy... fever, bad throat, cough and body ache. And this horrid weather jus doesnt help at all. I jus feel like a baby and want to whine abt it... U noe, its the times when u're unwell, tt u feel the crapiest, esp when u're overseas alone. Its jus.. miserable. I really just wanted to talk on the phone and like.. jus hope to feel better. But oh well. Classical conditioning is not for nothing ok. After u try too many times, and u jus dun get tt sort of reaction, u'll get conditioned not to try anymore. Coz no use trying. Elibirdbird is on the way there. Almost.. almost.. reaching that stage soon. Sad thing is... there is no turning back one. The hurdle is so high, u've expended so much energy to get over it, it'll b irrational to go back to it again.
Ah.. And hey u, i saw ur entry abt "moving on".... its really well written. I actually wanna steal and put on my blog, but then, since its written by ur friend, thought i shouldnt steal from a thief. muhaha. but lets quote anyway...
"Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.”
I really like it actually. And we're all in the midst of learning right? And... i like wat our friend said abt being "cleanly single". That jus says so much abt us... All of us... remember when we first met, we were all.. like.. in and out of smthg. M has jus broken up with S, L and S, and then there was so much ambiguity and i dunno wat. And well, i jus realized somehting!! Oh gosh. Since that time... at funan shopping mall, we've all gone thru major changes. EVERY single one of us! But of coz, J is the luckiest la. I'm really glad to see her happy again.... Otherwise, the other J has to be her rebound guy, pity his gf. haha. [frm next wk onwards, i wun have to use initials anymore!]
But having said all that... Pls, im not encouraging other ppl to give up! I'm jus saying tt i shld learn to move on.. not u ok! Miss Wong aka Zoo keeper, pls... me so proud of u. I noe u very stressed. But i'm really happy for u actually. Remember remember, it doesnt matter who supports u, or who disapproves.. wat matters is that u both see value and future in this relationship, and u are both committed and dedicated to making it work. And honestly, i can see that... =) Jia you bah. Its gonna b real quick. Jus one more Sem. =)
And as for u, Miss koh, haha. Wat can i say?! Nothing much... oh.. wat nothing much. I tried to call u twice today!! First time ur bro said u were not in, second time no one answer. Ahyoh... ppl busy pak tor right?! too much man. =) I remember the formula being something like... J> E+A? Yea...haha. U noe wat i think, u noe wat i hope, and i jus hope u'll be a happy little girl. I doubt i'll b seeing u anytime soon, unless i go mad and decide to fly to aussie... Which is... not impossible ok! Shall ask TSW whether she wans to go with me! =)
Oh, had 2 very disturbing conversations recently. Haha! Disturbing for different reasons...
1) With my dear friend. Well, for some reason, as she was telling me abt her life... i realized, we are really similar, jus different manifestations. She's a siao-er version of me. ( OK, and thats bad right?!) And i really see the similarity.... which really freaked me out, as she reminded me, she's 34 and single. -bangs head- i told her, dun worry, u still got plenty of chance... U noe, its not really that sort of "Mai4 hiam" then will b ok u noe. Ppl like her, or me, better off being alone than with someone wrong. Really, end up killing urself becoz u simply cant stand the other person. Not tt she hasnt met anyone, but... haha. The words she used... "egoist and self centered"...Well, the problem is, self centered ppl, seldom realize they are self centered. OK. they nv realize it... Becoz, they are too full of themself. So i asked her, whether she sees him with anyone else... And she said, no one will b able to stand him. And true enuff, this sort of thing, only got 3 possibilites: 1) She loves him enough to take all the crap... and accept his selfcenteredness, and let her life revolve ard his. (which is a really irrational thing to do. i dont think this is wat love is suppose to be.) 2) He loves her enough to change 3) they will NEVER end up together. --> ok tsin, is gonna complain abt my 1,2,3 again. Sorry, my style ok!
2) With Jung. but shall not talk abt it.
And, Stephen is so wrong. He once told me "Elizabeth, u're the type of person who is generally rational, but when it comes to important things, u will make emotional decisions." Haha. Well, at tt point in time, i didnt really know wat to think... but now, i think, i'm a person who has emotional reactions to things, but i usually make very rational decisions. A friend's been telling me that its a really bad thing... to be rational all the time. sometmes, shld jus listen to wat the heart wants... But, i guess, the heart and emotions dont know how to do calculations of risk. They dun realize that certain decisions can really land them up hurt and poor. And so, let the brain, the head, decide. ( i almost went on abt how the brain is the most critical organ and so on... its biopsych influence... oh gosh. biopsych. dun make me start....)
And... congrats to Ah Ben and Annabelle!! Little Chloe has arrived! =) We're all really really happy... I cant imagine... ur chole calling me aunty. oh my gosh. no no.. i think i'll insist on being called jie jie. I cant live with the idea of being aunty. But it is quite freaky isnt it, ppl u've been playing with... since young... early twenties... becoming daddy and mummy already.
Realized its very bad to have doubts, and not clear them. The longer they stay there for, they jus.. breed, and grow.. and.. eee.. monster!!! haha. Seriously, its not good. Some things jus cannot wait. Sad right? i really think that life's quite.. stuck. U're really stuck. As Sw will say "Left right also die".
And SW, u monster monster monster! Forgetful goldfish! At least goldfish can remember for a few seconds.. i think u cant!! BLEAH! SMelly!
Ham, blog abt Vday leh. Sure very exiciting one! I looking forward to seeing it man! =)
Tsin, wat else can i say to u?! Sorry and thank u has been over used already. how?! I miss u terribly. U owe me a big big big big hug when i get back ok! But dun let aquaman come near. he will want to join in..i'm actually quite scared to be crushed by him. hahaha. Miss u terribly! Cant wait to see u again. =)
Hope everyone had a gooD V day. Its really nothing here... dont see anyone carry flowers and all... mostly chocolates. But.. if u didnt noe its Vday, u wouldnt have realized it. And to all my dear dears, pls have a good CNY, have a good break, a good reunion, spend some quality time with ur families, and have a really blessed new year.
And i jus answered a call from a Edmond. -_- ended up trying to convince him of Teckie's theory, that if its not meant to be, its not meant to be. Cant be friends, then cant be friends. Mian qiang shi mei you xin fu de. If u're meant to be together, dun keep trying to find excuses.... U're wasting ur own energy. Self protection!? Nah.. u tink u're protecting urself, but u're hurting urself in another way. But this is a new category of "types" in my list.. Really. I nv knew there were such ppl until quite recently. This fear of the unknown, and of the future, is so great tt they wld throw away wat they have now. Dude ah dude, some things right... when the chance pass.. then its passed. I jus dun wan u to regret. Really. Thats all. Haha. think i was a lil harsh. Dunno y say until so ji dong for wat. not my business. haha. Tsk. And then this guy's so cute. Rattles on abt wat can cure my throat... and thinks that there is a difference btw using boiling water to go over the ju hua, and actually boiling the flower. haha. But, really caring friend. Abit naggy la. =P Haha. See u in london on saturday!
Speaking of which, my entire family is coming up! Im so so so so happy. I dont even noe how to explain. I must calm myself down before i see them... jus thinking of seeing them again.. my eyes all watery already. It really doesnt matter where we go, as long as we're all together again. Jus the idea of it.. is so warm, so close. When my mum called jus now, wanted to tell her i was feeling crap, but then.. didnt wan her to worry la. And everyone's busy over the new yr.. And she cant help even if i'm not feeling well.
Thats the end everyone. Am going to London for the long weekend. Will be back late on sunday night. Dont noe how im gonna get back, but well. We'll see. Goodbye everyone! Dpnt eat too much junk over new yr ok! ( actually, i refer to them as goodies. But then, i call them junk becoz i dun get it eat this yr!)
BYE.....
♥
